So, against Mere's better judgment, I decided to give New Boy a second chance. She is against this completely because she says she does not trust a man who would say the things he said to me. I'm wondering if these are things that couples do to each other when they are fighting? I really don't know because I've never been in one of those relationships where people actually cared enough to talk about their feelings instead of just ignoring one another until the feelings go away.
Anyways I talked to him about two weeks ago now and we have been back together since then. He really is working to get things squared away and get on the right track...Or at least the track that makes me happy.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Clemente Birthday - Round 2
Tonight is the second round of a friend of mine's birthday...For some unknown reason we've decided to go to the busiest club in Pittsburgh. I've honestly never been there before but all I hear about that place is that it's always crowded and it takes forever to get drinks. Hopefully we get down there early enough to take advantage of the drink specials so that we don't realize the place is a pain in the butt to deal with.
I kind of want to stop at the store and get a new shirt at least for tonight... But that would take time away from me getting a quick nap. Yet another sign I'm getting old! This would be the third night in a row that I'll be out and about so I'm thinking that I might take it easy tonight and just chill...Always a good idea to have a couple people keeping an eye on the birthday girl! Then in less than two weeks its my turn!!! Watch out!
I kind of want to stop at the store and get a new shirt at least for tonight... But that would take time away from me getting a quick nap. Yet another sign I'm getting old! This would be the third night in a row that I'll be out and about so I'm thinking that I might take it easy tonight and just chill...Always a good idea to have a couple people keeping an eye on the birthday girl! Then in less than two weeks its my turn!!! Watch out!
Uh oh.....A Virgin No Longer
Well last night was a first for me. I broke up with the new boy. I never did that before and it's really a slap in the face after being on the other side so many times. It really amazed me that all the things I hate hearing from someone that I'm dating, I said to him last night. I told him we can still be friends, and that it's not him, it's my issues. And then I really started to feel bad because I know exactly what he's thinking right now and he probably hates me right now.
I know he had so many plans for us but I think that is what was really giving me a strange vibe. I get a gut feeling about people and things right away and something just didn't quite match up there...Don't get me wrong, I really do think he is a great guy but things moved way too fast and by now it just didn't seem fair to try and change the way things had been going. I really felt like I would be back-tracking on him because I had gotten caught up in the moment and allowed things to develop the way they did. In all reality, we were acting like we had know each other for years from the second day we knew each other. That sounds like a great thing but honestly it made me uncomfortable the longer it went on. We didn't know each other.
The thing that made me most upset about having to do that last night is the I knew what he was going to say once I asked him if we could slow down and it really hurts me to hear it. He has had several bad things happen to him when things were going really well in his life but I think if he took his time a little more things would not be so crushing to him and maybe not moving in super high speed would help make things run a little more smoothly.
Because I know how upset he was and I know that he has been down on his luck for a while I kind of understand why he flipped out at me last night and said some things that I know he will regret. I do just keep in the back of my mind that the rage he showed last night was only after a little more than a month of knowing him. He snapped. And the other thing that keeps coming to my mind is that the night he met me, he was upset over and waiting for a girl who never showed up. Something about that tells me that he will be OK and things will work out right for him. I think he had done a pretty good job of convincing himself that he really was in love with me when in reality I think he will move on just fine and I hope he can find real happiness soon.
I know he had so many plans for us but I think that is what was really giving me a strange vibe. I get a gut feeling about people and things right away and something just didn't quite match up there...Don't get me wrong, I really do think he is a great guy but things moved way too fast and by now it just didn't seem fair to try and change the way things had been going. I really felt like I would be back-tracking on him because I had gotten caught up in the moment and allowed things to develop the way they did. In all reality, we were acting like we had know each other for years from the second day we knew each other. That sounds like a great thing but honestly it made me uncomfortable the longer it went on. We didn't know each other.
The thing that made me most upset about having to do that last night is the I knew what he was going to say once I asked him if we could slow down and it really hurts me to hear it. He has had several bad things happen to him when things were going really well in his life but I think if he took his time a little more things would not be so crushing to him and maybe not moving in super high speed would help make things run a little more smoothly.
Because I know how upset he was and I know that he has been down on his luck for a while I kind of understand why he flipped out at me last night and said some things that I know he will regret. I do just keep in the back of my mind that the rage he showed last night was only after a little more than a month of knowing him. He snapped. And the other thing that keeps coming to my mind is that the night he met me, he was upset over and waiting for a girl who never showed up. Something about that tells me that he will be OK and things will work out right for him. I think he had done a pretty good job of convincing himself that he really was in love with me when in reality I think he will move on just fine and I hope he can find real happiness soon.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
McMedic
I noticed that I have not fully explained my love for McMedic.....Here goes!!
I can still remember the day I decided that I was going to marry McMedic. As strange as it sounds to people that are not in the medical field, it happened after he had brought an extremely critical patient into my ER via his ambulance. There is something very attractive about the sight of a man trying his hardest to save someone's life. I had talked to him before but I hadn't really had a long conversation with him before that day. After delivering that patient to us it took a while for him to decompress and get his things gathered and ready for him to go back on the road. So he talked to me and the woman I was working with and I definitely remember getting my first hug from him that day after he thought one of my male co-workers with really long hair was an attractive woman. That was when he decided that he needed a woman's hug and he hugged me. That day, I was in love.
Since then we have had a bunch of fun times together and I really do consider him a good friend. There were many nights where I went out drinking after work and then stopped by his work for some laughs which eventually ended up with the "No Visitors" policy being implemented for him. There was the night where he said he was not coming to the bar to meet me and Meredith so I wore sweats, glasses and didn't do my hair and then he showed up with his sidekick and completely embarrassed me. That was also the night that I'm pretty sure he knew I was extremely interested in him but he was clearly more interested in Meredith, or just trying to ignore me that night.
My fav night though would have to be the night of Meredith's 21st birthday when he and I were the oldest people at the party. It started when he told me he was running late and not sure if he would make it out and then I looked up at the door of the bar and saw him coming in and looking around for us. Of course I pretended not to see him until he called me and asked where we were sitting. After he had said hi to all of us he stood behind me and I tried desperately not to move because he had his hand resting on the back of my stool but his hand was also gently touching my back for quite a while during our conversation.
Later that night, when we had closed the bar, we decided to head to a friend of mine's house and that was when McMedic was ready to save the day for me. Admittedly I was intoxicated while I was leading the caravan to the party. Meredith and one of her friends was following another friend of ours and McMedic was following me. Not far from the bar we had left, I got pulled over for speeding and should have in all honesty gotten a DUI that night. Instead of McMedic speeding away, because he had been drinking too, he stayed close by and was ready to jump to my rescue if the police had decided to get me out of the car. Fortunately, the officer who pulled me over knew me and knew that although I had been drinking, speeding was the only problem in the car. Long story short we went to the party after the police left and continued to have fun at my friend's house and then at my house after we all got thrown out of the first house. I can still remember him stomping up and down my steps and carrying the beer out of the basement for us.
He really is such a fun guy. The only problem that we run in to is the fact that he doesn't want kids. Which I completely understand but kids are something that I really want to have and that is really important to me. So we'll see how things progress but I know right now I don't have the guts to bring it up to him!
I can still remember the day I decided that I was going to marry McMedic. As strange as it sounds to people that are not in the medical field, it happened after he had brought an extremely critical patient into my ER via his ambulance. There is something very attractive about the sight of a man trying his hardest to save someone's life. I had talked to him before but I hadn't really had a long conversation with him before that day. After delivering that patient to us it took a while for him to decompress and get his things gathered and ready for him to go back on the road. So he talked to me and the woman I was working with and I definitely remember getting my first hug from him that day after he thought one of my male co-workers with really long hair was an attractive woman. That was when he decided that he needed a woman's hug and he hugged me. That day, I was in love.
Since then we have had a bunch of fun times together and I really do consider him a good friend. There were many nights where I went out drinking after work and then stopped by his work for some laughs which eventually ended up with the "No Visitors" policy being implemented for him. There was the night where he said he was not coming to the bar to meet me and Meredith so I wore sweats, glasses and didn't do my hair and then he showed up with his sidekick and completely embarrassed me. That was also the night that I'm pretty sure he knew I was extremely interested in him but he was clearly more interested in Meredith, or just trying to ignore me that night.
My fav night though would have to be the night of Meredith's 21st birthday when he and I were the oldest people at the party. It started when he told me he was running late and not sure if he would make it out and then I looked up at the door of the bar and saw him coming in and looking around for us. Of course I pretended not to see him until he called me and asked where we were sitting. After he had said hi to all of us he stood behind me and I tried desperately not to move because he had his hand resting on the back of my stool but his hand was also gently touching my back for quite a while during our conversation.
Later that night, when we had closed the bar, we decided to head to a friend of mine's house and that was when McMedic was ready to save the day for me. Admittedly I was intoxicated while I was leading the caravan to the party. Meredith and one of her friends was following another friend of ours and McMedic was following me. Not far from the bar we had left, I got pulled over for speeding and should have in all honesty gotten a DUI that night. Instead of McMedic speeding away, because he had been drinking too, he stayed close by and was ready to jump to my rescue if the police had decided to get me out of the car. Fortunately, the officer who pulled me over knew me and knew that although I had been drinking, speeding was the only problem in the car. Long story short we went to the party after the police left and continued to have fun at my friend's house and then at my house after we all got thrown out of the first house. I can still remember him stomping up and down my steps and carrying the beer out of the basement for us.
He really is such a fun guy. The only problem that we run in to is the fact that he doesn't want kids. Which I completely understand but kids are something that I really want to have and that is really important to me. So we'll see how things progress but I know right now I don't have the guts to bring it up to him!
New Boy
Clearly all of those stories below show that I need to break up with the New Boy. It really sucks but I just keep reminding myself that the night he met me, he was waiting for another girl to show up and she didn't so he turned his attention to me. Whether I'm right or not I think he'll be just fine moving on from me, but I just have never had to do this before. I've never had the power in a relationship like this. And my pocket is ringing with a new phone number, starting with his area code...Did the man finally get a phone? That would be special.
I just keep flipping back and forth about what to do with him. On one hand I really do like him as a person but in reality I don't know what kind of person he is yet. And my gut instinct about him was that he was the kind of person who is always waiting for that big job that is coming up and the type of person that lives from day to day just getting by with the help of magical strokes of luck. I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship where I never know what circumstances of life are going to change in a given day.
I want a man like McMedic, I don't need to have a million dollars in the bank but I would like to not have to count pennies in order to have fun and go out from time to time. Also, I don't mind working hard and saving up to have the chance to go away and have a blast of a vacation. Traveling and seeing things that I've never seen before is one of my favorite things to do and one of the things that I like the most about McMedic and other people that I used to work with. They had the same kind of attitude that I do. I would rather work 24/7 for a while to earn money to get what I want rather than take it easy and wait for things to come to me. I'm all about the delayed gratitude.
I know that when I get my stuff together I will be able to do the things that I want and I will be able to see things that many other people don't get to see because I am willing to give up things now to have more in the end. I just don't think I know New Boy well enough to decide if he is that type of person yet. But then again I'm also not sure that there is any other man in my life (as of now) that would fit the description of what I want. The decision now is whether I should ride this thing out with New Boy and get the chance to know him better. Who knows, at this point I've just confused myself more about what I should and shouldn't do to give both myself and him a fair chance. But something tells me that going with your gut instinct usually is your best option.
I just keep flipping back and forth about what to do with him. On one hand I really do like him as a person but in reality I don't know what kind of person he is yet. And my gut instinct about him was that he was the kind of person who is always waiting for that big job that is coming up and the type of person that lives from day to day just getting by with the help of magical strokes of luck. I don't necessarily want to be in a relationship where I never know what circumstances of life are going to change in a given day.
I want a man like McMedic, I don't need to have a million dollars in the bank but I would like to not have to count pennies in order to have fun and go out from time to time. Also, I don't mind working hard and saving up to have the chance to go away and have a blast of a vacation. Traveling and seeing things that I've never seen before is one of my favorite things to do and one of the things that I like the most about McMedic and other people that I used to work with. They had the same kind of attitude that I do. I would rather work 24/7 for a while to earn money to get what I want rather than take it easy and wait for things to come to me. I'm all about the delayed gratitude.
I know that when I get my stuff together I will be able to do the things that I want and I will be able to see things that many other people don't get to see because I am willing to give up things now to have more in the end. I just don't think I know New Boy well enough to decide if he is that type of person yet. But then again I'm also not sure that there is any other man in my life (as of now) that would fit the description of what I want. The decision now is whether I should ride this thing out with New Boy and get the chance to know him better. Who knows, at this point I've just confused myself more about what I should and shouldn't do to give both myself and him a fair chance. But something tells me that going with your gut instinct usually is your best option.
Yeah, I May Have a Problem
I cannot have a normal night out... Me going to a bar is clearly never the best idea but anyway, it was a birthday, I had to go.
The night started with my friends playing a joke on me by telling me the Birthday Girl couldn't make it out, which really made all my running around after work pointless. So as I was standing outside the first bar of the night yelling at them for tricking me, I happened to look into the bar to see if there were a bunch of people or not. Most of the bar was empty but I did notice a good sized group in the one corner near the video games, also the area where McDirty and I sat a while back at one of his work functions.... O wait, someone over there looks very familiar. Now I do remember when I texted McDirty earlier in the day he did say that he couldn't come out because he had a work thing that night.... O yea, that's him sitting at the bar and now I'm forced to stand outside in the cold until my friends get there because I am NOT ok with walking in there and sitting down by myself with him there. He'd probably think I was stalking him.
So of course, once the girls got there, we walked in and since the bar was not that crowded he saw me automatically. But, luckily, we both pretended not to see each other as I quickly scanned to see if his girlfriend was sitting with them. Even more luckily she was not. Whew!! Anyway, we were there for about an hour and we ignored each other but of course when we left I quickly texted him to tease him about us being there at the same time. Once again, he amazed me with how quick he responded to my messages. Two years ago he wouldn't have said anything until the next time I saw him but o well, I shouldn't worry about it. It means nothing.
Next bar, next drama....So shortly after we sat down at the second bar, a much more casual, laid-back, hole in the wall bar a set of arms wraps around my shoulder as I'm sitting at the bar with my Jack and Coke. Automatically I have no idea who this is and fear comes across my friends faces. I turned and realized that it was a cop friend of mine, and I use the term friend loosely because he is basically old enough to be my father, if not my grandfather. Anyway he proceeds to hit on me for about half an hour at least and my friends are having a blast laughing at me and making jokes. Finally he leaves but not after stealing my phone number, which, I really don't mind because since he called me three times last night I now have his and he could be a valuable resource in getting my butt out of trouble some time. But clearly the creepy vibes I've been getting from him since I met him were warranted because he definitely tried to work come magic last night. Tried being the key word.
Third and final bar of the night..... So after a phone incident with JerkFace's girlfriend getting called because our names are so similar in the phone, she accidentally got a call and got called my name...which just so you know makes me laugh...HARD. Anywho, there was little drama at this bar but I did get to talk to my husband, the only one that I think I might actually have a chance with, probably because he's the only one that I actually know in real life. He called and we talked for about ten minutes and he told me that he won't be in town for my birthday but we will go out after to make up for it. Honestly, he really meant that the group of us would go out, clearly he did not mean for it to be the two of us. I wish!!!
Since by that point I was well on my way to being delirious from my lack of sleep and the beverages I had been downing, I decided this was the time to tell Maria that I really want to marry him and I was forcing her to answer the dreaded "Do you think I have a chance?" question. Bless her and her honesty because her (drunken) response was "I don't know." And that seemed to put things into perspective...Thankfully I didn't follow her advice and go ahead and ask him last night.. We'll save that embarrassment for another night.
The night started with my friends playing a joke on me by telling me the Birthday Girl couldn't make it out, which really made all my running around after work pointless. So as I was standing outside the first bar of the night yelling at them for tricking me, I happened to look into the bar to see if there were a bunch of people or not. Most of the bar was empty but I did notice a good sized group in the one corner near the video games, also the area where McDirty and I sat a while back at one of his work functions.... O wait, someone over there looks very familiar. Now I do remember when I texted McDirty earlier in the day he did say that he couldn't come out because he had a work thing that night.... O yea, that's him sitting at the bar and now I'm forced to stand outside in the cold until my friends get there because I am NOT ok with walking in there and sitting down by myself with him there. He'd probably think I was stalking him.
So of course, once the girls got there, we walked in and since the bar was not that crowded he saw me automatically. But, luckily, we both pretended not to see each other as I quickly scanned to see if his girlfriend was sitting with them. Even more luckily she was not. Whew!! Anyway, we were there for about an hour and we ignored each other but of course when we left I quickly texted him to tease him about us being there at the same time. Once again, he amazed me with how quick he responded to my messages. Two years ago he wouldn't have said anything until the next time I saw him but o well, I shouldn't worry about it. It means nothing.
Next bar, next drama....So shortly after we sat down at the second bar, a much more casual, laid-back, hole in the wall bar a set of arms wraps around my shoulder as I'm sitting at the bar with my Jack and Coke. Automatically I have no idea who this is and fear comes across my friends faces. I turned and realized that it was a cop friend of mine, and I use the term friend loosely because he is basically old enough to be my father, if not my grandfather. Anyway he proceeds to hit on me for about half an hour at least and my friends are having a blast laughing at me and making jokes. Finally he leaves but not after stealing my phone number, which, I really don't mind because since he called me three times last night I now have his and he could be a valuable resource in getting my butt out of trouble some time. But clearly the creepy vibes I've been getting from him since I met him were warranted because he definitely tried to work come magic last night. Tried being the key word.
Third and final bar of the night..... So after a phone incident with JerkFace's girlfriend getting called because our names are so similar in the phone, she accidentally got a call and got called my name...which just so you know makes me laugh...HARD. Anywho, there was little drama at this bar but I did get to talk to my husband, the only one that I think I might actually have a chance with, probably because he's the only one that I actually know in real life. He called and we talked for about ten minutes and he told me that he won't be in town for my birthday but we will go out after to make up for it. Honestly, he really meant that the group of us would go out, clearly he did not mean for it to be the two of us. I wish!!!
Since by that point I was well on my way to being delirious from my lack of sleep and the beverages I had been downing, I decided this was the time to tell Maria that I really want to marry him and I was forcing her to answer the dreaded "Do you think I have a chance?" question. Bless her and her honesty because her (drunken) response was "I don't know." And that seemed to put things into perspective...Thankfully I didn't follow her advice and go ahead and ask him last night.. We'll save that embarrassment for another night.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
It's that tine of year!!
So the birthday is coming up!!! I love birthdays because I get to pretend I'm shy for a day while people tell me happy birthday. And I know God gets me for it because it never fails at least once a year some one will say "Happy Birthday" to me and I'll respond with "You too!" like some kind of idiot who isn't paying attention to what people are saying... I'll have to make sure to be grateful this year and take all of the well wishes to heart.
Also, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a BlackBerrt Curve...I haven't decided if I want pink or not...Still thinking. The primary reason for me to get a BlackBerry is to develop my writing skills because I really have let those fall to the side over the last couple of years. That's what happens when you forget to strive to full potential. What better way to encourage myself than with a pretty new phone that I can use to become a better contributor to sites like this. And to keep up with other sites like this, and news and fun stuff!
Also, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a BlackBerrt Curve...I haven't decided if I want pink or not...Still thinking. The primary reason for me to get a BlackBerry is to develop my writing skills because I really have let those fall to the side over the last couple of years. That's what happens when you forget to strive to full potential. What better way to encourage myself than with a pretty new phone that I can use to become a better contributor to sites like this. And to keep up with other sites like this, and news and fun stuff!
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