Scratch that....

So as excited as I am about the EMT class, I think I'm going to have to wait and take it another time. I know Izzy is gonna be mad but I don't think that I have the time in my life for it right now. She was the one who picked to take that class at those times and it works for her (except the Saturdays) but I just can't manage it right now.

The money that I could lose from not taking the class right now is nothing compared to the money that my mom would be out from the vacation that she already paid for. And I think there are enough circumstances in my life that it might be possible for me to take a later course and maybe one that is more appropriate for me.

Money Bags!

Hey, if your name is Money Bags, I need you!! I really don't know what to do at this point about vacation, and class. The two WILL NOT work out together. But if I wasn't so poor I really wouldn't be mad about it.

The Kite Runner

I know I'm about two years late on reading The Kite Runner but I tend to stay away from things that are hyped up during the hype because I'm afraid I'll be disappointed. But I did hear so much about this book, including a certain person whose opinion I truly value, so I decided to read it.

I started yesterday while we were waiting at the doctors office and I really got into it. I read about 100 pages while we were sitting there and it was absolutely nothing like what I thought it would be. Also I didn't realize that it was a fictional story and not an autobiography.

As naive as it may sound I was taken back by the modern life that the main character leads. I'm just starting to get into the section of the book where the problems start. So I really wish there were a few more hours in my day because the school books have to come first, even though they are a lot heavier to carry around with me!

First Day of School

Well, today was the first day of my EMT class. Surprisingly, we actually did things on the first day of class. I had been planning on getting home early, maybe even stopping by Dad's doctors appointment but we were there the full time which is OK because the things we went over today would completely bore me and now we can just jump into more class work on Thursday for the next class.

The thing that was really annoying is the fact that the book cost more than the course itself. But my friend that's taking the class with me and I are going to share it so it won't be too bad.... (sidebar: friend that is in my class, we're gonna call her Izzy from now on because it fits and it's appropriate for the friendship).

And I also thought that the class only had one Saturday class. Instead it's 8 hours EVERY SATURDAY! This creates many problems... First I usually work every Saturday and the class isn't over until two hours into my shift (Poor Izzy usually doubles on Saturdays). Secondly, you are only allowed to miss so many hours of class and I have a vacation scheduled for seven days in July. So that's gonna suck and the first day of vacation is a Saturday that we would be learning extraction from a car, so this vacation keeps turning into a bigger and bigger disaster. Looks like I'm gonna miss a few days of it. I haven't told work about the Saturday thing yet but I'm hoping I can switch shifts with people and make it all work out. Otherwise I'm out the money I paid for the class because you aren't able to take the state test if you miss too many hours.

OK enough with that bitching. I'm really looking forward to getting this training over with so that I can start a new career because I'm going to lose my mind if I stay at this one too much longer. And I am excited about the possibilities that come with learning new skills and how many ways there are to go once you have the education.

I started reading today when I got home from class and the goal is to read everything that I need for the next class or two by tomorrow so that I can pass the book off to Izzy on her way home from work and school. The amount of course work is actually surprising too because they are squeezing a three month course down into two months which I like!! Less time in class means the sooner I can get started.

With working in EMS I really don't want to be coming into the hospital that I work in now because I would feel kind of awkward with the people I know seeing me in a different role. I'm shy like that. So I'll keep you updated on all the fun there is to be had in EMS! Ha!!

The Secret

I guess when I really think about it, I have this whole woe-is-me attitude going on and I don't think it is completely unjustified. However, it sucks and I wish I could just let things go a little easier and not get so emotional over things that aren't really all that important. Then when there is something going on that its normal to be upset about I'm strangely calm. I just think my emotions and train of thought got crossed some how.

So my mother was watching Oprah and heard about a book called The Secret that is supposed to teach you how to have a different outlook on life in hopes of leading you to more success and happiness. She happened to mention the book at, of course, the worst time...which she always does... which usually makes me cry (conveniently enough that was the exact same time we got a monsoon in Pittsburgh so it was hidden). My mother is not an emotional person so whenever she gets that way I don't know how to react and I become a five year old again.

Anyways, I figure it can't hurt to read this book and see what it has to say. I'll have a bunch of time on my hands real soon because I'm one of those people who the more I do, the more I do. Doctors office with Dad Monday. Classes start Tuesday. New life on Wednesday. LOL Right!

Since when.....

So while I'm sitting here trying to come up with things to write about I'm realizing that everything I think of has to do with men. I'm not real sure how that happened and I'm not real sure I have a problem with it either. This is my little venting spot and it just so happens that men are apparently all I have thought about for a while. I'm sure in a week or so it's going to turn into all medical and hospital crap. Men are just more fun!

McDirty

First of, yes, I do know it is totally cheesy to name every man I date McSomething. But the thing is, I don't care! I enjoy it and as my Meredith will tell you, each one of their names perfectly suits them.

To his credit, McDirty was the first man I Mc'd. He was the first person that I was.... involved with after calling off my engagement. So it was strange how it all started because I hadn't dated in over two years and we started off as friends but things grew into more than that. And I do admit our relationship is not one of the things I'm most proud of in my life but it's almost two years in and things just get more and more complicated.

The reason he became a Mc is because, he isn't exactly single and my friends and I kind of used to hang out where him and his girlfriend worked. So I couldn't exactly talk about him using his real name so we had to change things up a little bit and give him a nickname. And that's how he became McDirty.

Now how can I describe McDirty. Lets just say he's a bit older than me which I have no problem with because I know there is no chance of a real, committed relationship with him. (Do you notice a trend here?) It started as a one night thing because I was upset and crying and he made me laugh. While my friends were just letting me bitch and moan about life he was making me realize that life would go on, I just had to decide to make it happen. You know how people say you always learn a lesson from everything you do? I like to think that is what I learned from him. I could have sat there being miserable but instead I started going out and having some fun for myself. So when he waited until he was walking out my door to tell me that he had a girlfriend I just enjoyed the hug and pretended he didn't just say that.

I will admit it was pretty awkward for me to go back into that bar and see him because I wasn't sure how he would react or how I would. I told myself that night that it wouldn't happen again but clearly that didn't work out.

But we did manage to keep it pretty low key for quite a while. Just every now and then I would be leaving and while he closed up the bar we'd make plans to meet at my place. We didn't even have each other's phone numbers for about six months and to this day I still am not sure about his last name. We've tried to keep emotions out of the whole thing but by this point we're involved, whether he wants to admit it or not. And yes, he is still with his girlfriend.

I can still remember him asking for my phone number "just in case" he ever needed it. I'm not sure what he could have possibly needed it for but hey, that's just me. Something changed right then and there because now we had a connection to each other that we never had before. If we ever "needed" each other there was now a way to get in contact.

One of my favorite things about our relationship is sitting at the bar and talking to him, the other people that work there, and my friends and no one knows about what is going on. The secrecy is exciting and fun because we all love to do things that we aren't supposed to do and everyone loves a good secret.

So ever since we finally exchanged numbers we're almost like a long-distance relationship. You know, accidentally running into each other, bringing food on special occasions, helping each other out with Christmas shopping. Clearly we are more than an employee and customer. My favorite part is making him jealous when I come in with men that I work with or something like that because he swears he doesn't get jealous but I know by the way he acts that he's eyeing up the competition. Which is why I would never bring a man that I was actually interested in to that bar.

Something in me thinks that I should probably let him go but there is a part of me that truly cares about him and our friendship. But, Meredith and another one of my close friends made me pinky kiss that I would not go in there any more. And I've actually made it three weeks without going in!!!