Anniversary

First off, I'd like to congratulate my parents for making it through 44 years of marriage without killing each other. They celebrated their anniversary on Friday.

Another notable Pittsburgh anniversary is Nate McLouth's "welcome to the big leagues" anniversary. Congrats Nate! Lets celebrate! ;)

I <3 McRockstar

So the other day, McRockstar did come in :) He's so dam cute and charismatic that of course I ended up flirting with him while he was here and then talking to him until 3 in the morning. And now I know he is working today and he said he would stop by but he's been a no-show so far tonight. But he did send me a goofy joke text message to me and I sent a cute message back but I'm considering texting him again (which I know is bad) and teasing him because he hasn't been here yet tonight. So I'll probably end up doing it and living the disaster that will come from that.

He's just so good at flirting and complementing people and getting on their good side. And even though I know he is completely playing me, I eat it up and he's got me wrapped around his finger. I guess this is just my whole starving for attention thing that I've been trying to figure out and deal with. Meredith would say that I need to tell him to get away from him because I'm too good for him but, I just keep telling myself that I'm playing his game too. He's just better at it.

Random Updates

~ Well, I've decided that it's over with me and McRockstar. Actually not really because he's so dam appealing that I can never say no to him. But the goal here is that I'm giving him until the end of this week to do something about us and if there is nothing by then, I'm over it. Not at all really but I'll pretend to be over it and then of course he'll want my attention and then I'm going to see how this hard-to-get thing works. I'll ignore him and if what people tell me is true, he'll be falling all over me, and then I'll build self-confidence by not letting him have me!

~ McDirty still isn't really speaking to me. I'm also gonna let him go too. We've had our fun and I think it's run its course. Plus this whole being a responsible adult thing means that I need to move on with everything that is not helping me get to where I want to be. Even though I have no idea where I want to be.

~ I started reading The Secret a couple days ago (after I finally found the bookstore that was supposed to be cheaper but I still ended up paying the same price as Walmart, so I should have just gone there). I haven't really gotten too far into it but the basic idea that I've gotten from the book so far is that it's about the Law of Attraction and how if you think positive thoughts and thoughts of what you want out of life, those things will be attracted to you. I haven't learned yet how to think those thoughts instead of the thoughts about why the hell are things out to get me.

~ Also, Meredith and I have had a plan for the last couple years that we will write a book about how we got through our break ups that will help other girls go through it since we've already been there. That, and I've decided that I keep saying how my life would make such a good reality show but instead I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way and write about my life and all the ridiculous things that have happened but make it even more crazy by having my character say and do all the things that I really dream about doing but haven't had the guts to do. Since I've been bailed on once again, my plan is to get it started now and then I'll have a whole week to work on it while I lay on the beach trying desperately to tan my horribly white skin.

~ After spending a good bit of time last night budgeting my next three paychecks I think I will barely be able to scrape by and pay all of my bills that are coming and still have a few bucks to spend on vacation. God knows I do not want to end up back in the mess that I got in after my disastrous trip to the beach with JerkFace. It took months to get caught up on everything and I ended up with more overdraft charges than I can ever deal with again!

Fate Strikes Again!.....Not in a good way

Once again I did not get a job that was perfect for me. This time I can't blame it on the monster that is my current employer. Even though I am convinced that they are the reason I have not been offered any of the jobs I have interviewed for recently.

This most recent one was taken when I applied for it. The person that got it better be freaking Mother Theresa incarnate.....no not really. I'm not that mean and I'm sure the person is really good at their job but I'm just getting desperate here for a chance to show someone how hard I can work and how much I could accomplish if I was just given the chance.

So for now I sit here waiting and blogging, and looking up other jobs, and thinking about writing, and hoping that McRockstar would come visit us at work today................

Perfect Job

So yesterday I managed to find a job that is absolutely perfect for me, now I just need to MAKE them give it to me. Really, the job was modeled after things I would love to do. Organize public events. Hold town hall meetings. Build a community through volunteer work and good deeds.

I just wrote my cover letter and they need a writing sample as well so I'll probably be working on that tomorrow since I'm off. Maybe this was the big chance I've been waiting for. Maybe this is the reason that my EMT classes didn't work out...



PS- Talked to the guy that my fairy god mother wants me to date. The more I think about it he would probably be a really great boyfriend but now I'm really nervous about how to go about it. I'll enlist Meredith and Izzy to help me sink my teeth in!

Scratch that....

So as excited as I am about the EMT class, I think I'm going to have to wait and take it another time. I know Izzy is gonna be mad but I don't think that I have the time in my life for it right now. She was the one who picked to take that class at those times and it works for her (except the Saturdays) but I just can't manage it right now.

The money that I could lose from not taking the class right now is nothing compared to the money that my mom would be out from the vacation that she already paid for. And I think there are enough circumstances in my life that it might be possible for me to take a later course and maybe one that is more appropriate for me.

Money Bags!

Hey, if your name is Money Bags, I need you!! I really don't know what to do at this point about vacation, and class. The two WILL NOT work out together. But if I wasn't so poor I really wouldn't be mad about it.

The Kite Runner

I know I'm about two years late on reading The Kite Runner but I tend to stay away from things that are hyped up during the hype because I'm afraid I'll be disappointed. But I did hear so much about this book, including a certain person whose opinion I truly value, so I decided to read it.

I started yesterday while we were waiting at the doctors office and I really got into it. I read about 100 pages while we were sitting there and it was absolutely nothing like what I thought it would be. Also I didn't realize that it was a fictional story and not an autobiography.

As naive as it may sound I was taken back by the modern life that the main character leads. I'm just starting to get into the section of the book where the problems start. So I really wish there were a few more hours in my day because the school books have to come first, even though they are a lot heavier to carry around with me!

First Day of School

Well, today was the first day of my EMT class. Surprisingly, we actually did things on the first day of class. I had been planning on getting home early, maybe even stopping by Dad's doctors appointment but we were there the full time which is OK because the things we went over today would completely bore me and now we can just jump into more class work on Thursday for the next class.

The thing that was really annoying is the fact that the book cost more than the course itself. But my friend that's taking the class with me and I are going to share it so it won't be too bad.... (sidebar: friend that is in my class, we're gonna call her Izzy from now on because it fits and it's appropriate for the friendship).

And I also thought that the class only had one Saturday class. Instead it's 8 hours EVERY SATURDAY! This creates many problems... First I usually work every Saturday and the class isn't over until two hours into my shift (Poor Izzy usually doubles on Saturdays). Secondly, you are only allowed to miss so many hours of class and I have a vacation scheduled for seven days in July. So that's gonna suck and the first day of vacation is a Saturday that we would be learning extraction from a car, so this vacation keeps turning into a bigger and bigger disaster. Looks like I'm gonna miss a few days of it. I haven't told work about the Saturday thing yet but I'm hoping I can switch shifts with people and make it all work out. Otherwise I'm out the money I paid for the class because you aren't able to take the state test if you miss too many hours.

OK enough with that bitching. I'm really looking forward to getting this training over with so that I can start a new career because I'm going to lose my mind if I stay at this one too much longer. And I am excited about the possibilities that come with learning new skills and how many ways there are to go once you have the education.

I started reading today when I got home from class and the goal is to read everything that I need for the next class or two by tomorrow so that I can pass the book off to Izzy on her way home from work and school. The amount of course work is actually surprising too because they are squeezing a three month course down into two months which I like!! Less time in class means the sooner I can get started.

With working in EMS I really don't want to be coming into the hospital that I work in now because I would feel kind of awkward with the people I know seeing me in a different role. I'm shy like that. So I'll keep you updated on all the fun there is to be had in EMS! Ha!!

The Secret

I guess when I really think about it, I have this whole woe-is-me attitude going on and I don't think it is completely unjustified. However, it sucks and I wish I could just let things go a little easier and not get so emotional over things that aren't really all that important. Then when there is something going on that its normal to be upset about I'm strangely calm. I just think my emotions and train of thought got crossed some how.

So my mother was watching Oprah and heard about a book called The Secret that is supposed to teach you how to have a different outlook on life in hopes of leading you to more success and happiness. She happened to mention the book at, of course, the worst time...which she always does... which usually makes me cry (conveniently enough that was the exact same time we got a monsoon in Pittsburgh so it was hidden). My mother is not an emotional person so whenever she gets that way I don't know how to react and I become a five year old again.

Anyways, I figure it can't hurt to read this book and see what it has to say. I'll have a bunch of time on my hands real soon because I'm one of those people who the more I do, the more I do. Doctors office with Dad Monday. Classes start Tuesday. New life on Wednesday. LOL Right!

Since when.....

So while I'm sitting here trying to come up with things to write about I'm realizing that everything I think of has to do with men. I'm not real sure how that happened and I'm not real sure I have a problem with it either. This is my little venting spot and it just so happens that men are apparently all I have thought about for a while. I'm sure in a week or so it's going to turn into all medical and hospital crap. Men are just more fun!

McDirty

First of, yes, I do know it is totally cheesy to name every man I date McSomething. But the thing is, I don't care! I enjoy it and as my Meredith will tell you, each one of their names perfectly suits them.

To his credit, McDirty was the first man I Mc'd. He was the first person that I was.... involved with after calling off my engagement. So it was strange how it all started because I hadn't dated in over two years and we started off as friends but things grew into more than that. And I do admit our relationship is not one of the things I'm most proud of in my life but it's almost two years in and things just get more and more complicated.

The reason he became a Mc is because, he isn't exactly single and my friends and I kind of used to hang out where him and his girlfriend worked. So I couldn't exactly talk about him using his real name so we had to change things up a little bit and give him a nickname. And that's how he became McDirty.

Now how can I describe McDirty. Lets just say he's a bit older than me which I have no problem with because I know there is no chance of a real, committed relationship with him. (Do you notice a trend here?) It started as a one night thing because I was upset and crying and he made me laugh. While my friends were just letting me bitch and moan about life he was making me realize that life would go on, I just had to decide to make it happen. You know how people say you always learn a lesson from everything you do? I like to think that is what I learned from him. I could have sat there being miserable but instead I started going out and having some fun for myself. So when he waited until he was walking out my door to tell me that he had a girlfriend I just enjoyed the hug and pretended he didn't just say that.

I will admit it was pretty awkward for me to go back into that bar and see him because I wasn't sure how he would react or how I would. I told myself that night that it wouldn't happen again but clearly that didn't work out.

But we did manage to keep it pretty low key for quite a while. Just every now and then I would be leaving and while he closed up the bar we'd make plans to meet at my place. We didn't even have each other's phone numbers for about six months and to this day I still am not sure about his last name. We've tried to keep emotions out of the whole thing but by this point we're involved, whether he wants to admit it or not. And yes, he is still with his girlfriend.

I can still remember him asking for my phone number "just in case" he ever needed it. I'm not sure what he could have possibly needed it for but hey, that's just me. Something changed right then and there because now we had a connection to each other that we never had before. If we ever "needed" each other there was now a way to get in contact.

One of my favorite things about our relationship is sitting at the bar and talking to him, the other people that work there, and my friends and no one knows about what is going on. The secrecy is exciting and fun because we all love to do things that we aren't supposed to do and everyone loves a good secret.

So ever since we finally exchanged numbers we're almost like a long-distance relationship. You know, accidentally running into each other, bringing food on special occasions, helping each other out with Christmas shopping. Clearly we are more than an employee and customer. My favorite part is making him jealous when I come in with men that I work with or something like that because he swears he doesn't get jealous but I know by the way he acts that he's eyeing up the competition. Which is why I would never bring a man that I was actually interested in to that bar.

Something in me thinks that I should probably let him go but there is a part of me that truly cares about him and our friendship. But, Meredith and another one of my close friends made me pinky kiss that I would not go in there any more. And I've actually made it three weeks without going in!!!

Random Updates

So........... last time I visited I talked about a list of things I was planning on doing. Here's a little update:

I did finally sign up to take a class. It isn't nursing but it is something that I am interested in. I'll be getting my EMT with my friend and we'll have them by the end of the summer. The best thing about that is that I would be able to look for other jobs instead of this hell-hole that I'm in now. The only thing is my Meredith is not happy about it. I've gotten myself in trouble before with EMS and she's a little worried that if i become one, it will continue. No worries I'll just have to find a service that is not near here and is made up of lesbians so that I will not get in trouble at all.

Also I'm super excited tonight that I get to babysit my niece and nephew tonight which will be great because I'll get to have both of them all to myself. The plan is: running around the yard, food, bath and, bed. Then I get to sit on my butt watching TV and making plans for what to do after their mom and dad get home. (Hopefully that means hanging out with McDirty!!)

But most likely I will end up falling asleep on my brother's couch after the busy, disgusting week I've had. To sum it all up we got some bad news about my Dad and he's going to be spending quite a bit of time with doctors and in the hospital so that I weighing on my mind a little. It's probably the reason for me wanting to take certain co-workers out into the parking lot and scream about how little work they do and how they should just shut up and suck it up.